Mark Twain

     

     Mark Twain possessed a rare ability to both entertain and make profound points simultaneously. Generally speaking, when I hear a speaker, or read an author who is profound, they are boring; the reverse is also true, if a presenter is entertaining then they generally lack depth. When Mark Twain spoke, or wrote he was never boring and there was always a point beyond the superficial surface of what he was speaking or writing. This unique gift for presenting material that was dual-natured allowed Twain to make an impact on many people, myself included, where others could not. He could keep audiences captivated with comedy and intrigued with depth. One great example of Twain's unique style is when he proposed, "Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat." With this quip he made me laugh out loud, and at the same time solemnly and sadly consider the nature of human beings. 

     With Twain's entertaining and profound words, he was able to bridge a gap that existed between the higher and lower social classes. He was able to paint a picture of the world that the readers of his time were living in, both rich and poor. He did this by using colloquial language, irreverence, and strong satire. If you look at his character Tom Sawyer, you can see a young America personified. Tom Sawyer was raised in a very proper home, yet he was an outlaw who snuck out late at night to do things his own way, in spite of his proper origins. In this way Tom Sawyer represented, and was a hero to, all Americans, who despite roots to Europe, wanted to do things their own way, and on their own terms regardless of social class. Young Tom was, and is, an irreverent champion to Americans. Twain showed us with Tom Sawyer what it is to be free. Sawyer embodied the quote by Mark Twain, "Irreverence is the champion of liberty."

     My favorite attribute that that Mark Twain possessed was his incredible sense of humor. A wise man named Jean de La Bruyère said, "Life is a tragedy to those who feel, and a comedy to those who think." Twain was a deep thinker, and gave humanity a gift to be able to see the world through his eyes. The comedic perspective that leaps off of the page at me when I read Twain's words, has taught me to laugh at the human predicament. I don't feel I should laugh because everything is funny, but because as Mark Twain said, "Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand." 

Desire of The Heart

The following is based on Mark Twain's short story: "The War Prayer." 

Drinking root-beer and watching the game. 

     It was a time of great and exalting excitement. The entire country was thrilled with the prosperity and wealth that it was experiencing; in nearly every home there were multiple laptop computers, televisions, and countless blu-ray discs; all of which allowed people to have information and entertainment on demand; in nearly every driveway there were multiple vehicles of transportation parked which allowed people to travel great distances, with great comfort. On almost a daily basis family members and friends would get into their modern and luxurious cars or trucks and congregate at the home that had the newest, and biggest, and best television, with the most exquisite sound system, to watch the latest episode of a popular television show, or to cheer on their favorite sports team, or even to partake of the pinnacle of high definition and view the latest blu-ray movie to be released. The owners of such incredible equipment would stand quietly and proudly, with an occasional tear rolling down their cheek, as admiring and envious complements about the perfection of the entertainment centers would roll off the tongues of their guests. Inevitably the visitors would ask about the specifications of all the different components of such magnificent tools of entertainment; the proud owners, all across the country, would engage in a technical oratory which stirred the deepest deeps of the hearts of the listeners. As the audience actively partook of the information, which was effortlessly spewed forth from the host, the desires of their hearts, indeed the desires of their entire beings, were awakened with a sense of urgency, for they began to understand that they would only find happiness and contentment when they too had such impressive gadgetry. When the occasional concerned and prudent dissenter would speak up about the importance of staying out of debt, of frugality, and of the pitfalls of materialism, they would straightway get a stern and angry warning that for their personal safety’s sake they had better keep their opinions to themselves. 

     Sunday afternoon came-- the morning had been spent watching football at his closest friend’s house, and in anticipation of the coming Saturday’s boxing match, Bob was en route, in his brand new pickup truck, to the enormous electronics store to acquire his very own entertainment hub. That morning as he had listened to his friend enumerate all the wonderful blessings that had come into his friend’s life, following the purchase of all the gear required to create such an elegant home theatre, Bob knew that he not only desperately wanted, but needed his own. As he drove toward his destination, contemplating the blessings that would come into his life, Bob’s mind wandered into the realms of fantasy. He imagined his home with 30 people packed tightly together in front of his newly acquired HDTV. Their eyes were filled with  a reverent respect. His wife, from across the room, gave him a special smile that clearly told him that he had finally become the man that she had always wanted him to be. His young, twin daughters came running into the room, simultaneously shouting, “Daddy!” as they jumped into his open arms. As they lovingly hugged him little Sally whispered into his ear, “We are so proud of you!” and Lucy presented him with a homemade card with a crayon-drawn rendition of the new entertainment center. 

  Bob, who had arrived at his destination, couldn’t help but smile to himself as his fantasy drifted from his mind, and he opened the truck door and stepped out. He was at the Mecca of the home theatre world. He began walking slowly towards the entrance, he wanted to savor every wonderful moment of this day; his feet begged him to walk faster, but his mind wouldn’t allow it. As he walked through the door, however, his control evaporated and he immediately picked up his pace setting a direct course to the home theatre display room. In this particular store there was a room set up that was designed to replicate a home; it was complete with couch, fake family photos on the wall, and most importantly a complete top-of-the-line theatre system. It was in this room that the store always exhibited the latest and greatest technology, so it was with eager anticipation that Bob opened the door to the room and stepped inside. What he saw on the interior of the room convinced him immediately that he had made the right decision coming here today, for what he saw was sure to bring his earlier fantasy into reality. 

     

     Staring Bob directly in the face was the largest television that he had ever seen. Unconsciously a low whistle escaped his lips. Not only was it big, but the images displayed on the screen were so crisp, the colors so vibrant, that Bob had to force himself to begin breathing again. As Bob approached the T.V. to get a closer look a single tear rolled down his cheek, and he hurriedly wiped it away as the sales associate approached. “What do you think?” the young salesman inquired.  

“It is the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen,” Bob replied, never taking his eyes from the screen. 

The salesman smiled and said, “We just got her in this morning. It is the absolute best television that planet earth has ever seen. Sit down on the couch and let me show you what she can do.” 

Bob didn’t waste any time complying with the request. As he plopped down on the comfortable couch the salesman dimmed the lights and began his pitch (a pitch that was completely unnecessary, for Bob was sold the minute he saw the thing).  “Can I get your name?” the presenter asked. Bob only distantly heard the young man, and absentmindedly replied with his name. “Well Bobby boy let me tell you about our prized jewel here. You have heard of 1080p haven’t you?” Bob nodded distantly. “Well Bob, this right here is even better. It’s what we call 1440p, meaning it’s got nearly double the resolution of 1080p. It’s the new standard. How big do you think she is Robert?” Bob just shook his head and reverently replied, “70 inches?” The salesman chuckled and corrected him, “Well Roberto you aren’t even in the same ballpark. It is a 90” inch plasma. In the past the plasma technology has had some weaknesses compared to LCD, but they have been eradicated with...” As the young salesmen went through his explanation of the newest and best technology, and as he showed all the features of the T.V. along with the accompanying, industry leading 7.1 surround sound system, Bob couldn’t help but realize that all of is dreams were about to come true. 

As the salesman was reaching the end and the climax of his speech, he was worked up into a frenzy of waving his arms and spouting specifications about THX certified sound, frame rate, low energy-high efficiency bulbs, and anti-glare glass, an aged stranger, dressed in a long robe, noiselessly entered the room. Bob noticed the newcomer immediately and his focus was now on the stranger, and no longer on the TV. The salesman, who was giving his grand finale in concert with beautiful images being displayed on the TV and accompanying and complementary music on the sound system, didn’t even notice the strange new man. The robed man began silently walking up behind the salesman; as the rehearsed homily ended the music stopped and the screen went blank. At that very moment, when the normal routine of the salesman would have been to close the deal, the stranger touched the young man’s arm and motioned for him to step aside- which the startled salesman did- and took his place. He looked at a somewhat perplexed and spellbound Bob with solemn eyes, in which burned an uncanny light; then in a deep voice he said: 

“I come from the Throne-- bearing a message from Almighty God!” Bob, despite being completely engaged, rolled his eyes (which was a conditioned response to religious talk more than it was a sign he wasn’t interested in the message that the old man bore); if the stranger perceived it he gave no attention. “He has seen the true desire of your heart, and will allow that desire to be realized if it is still the desire of your heart after I, His messenger, have explained to you the lasting implications of your desire being realized. For it is like unto many of the desires of men, in that it wishes for more than he who owns the desire is aware of-- except he pause and think.”  

  “You are aware of only one half of your true desire. I am commissioned by God to put words to the other half-- the half which has never crossed the conscious part of your mind, but that is nevertheless inseparably connected to that part of you desire that you are aware of. Your wish is simple, ‘I want the nicest home theatre, so that I, and my family, and my friends may find entertainment and enjoyment.’ By wishing for this you have also wished for unmentioned results which naturally follow the acquisition of your prize. God has commanded me to put words to that part of the desire of your heart that you are unaware of. Listen! 

  “I wish for nothing more than to have a place where my family and friends can congregate with me to find enjoyment. I wish that my credit score will be sufficient so that I may purchase my home theatre and thereby incur an immense amount of debt. I do not care that this debt will hold me as a slave in it’s fetters for many years to come, for this entertainment center will be the source of many years of enjoyment for my loved ones! If by sinking into the dark hole of debt I am unable to pay for my children’s college, or for my wife’s medical bills when she becomes chronically ill, that is okay because I had no way of knowing before hand that those things would happen. I am willing to accept the risks involved, including the risk of materialism completely consuming me, even to the point that I neglect my family and ultimately lose them. I so desperately want these material possessions, that I will risk anything and everything to acquire them.” 

  After a long pause the old, robed stranger continued, “You have desired it; if you still desire it, speak! The messenger of the Most High waits.” 

  It was believed afterward by Bob that the man was a lunatic, because there was no sense in what he said. 

Authors note: Some of the words and phrases contained in this satire were either copied verbatim or very close to verbatim from Mark Twain’s The War Prayer. I wanted to write a piece that closely resembled his original paper, without distracting the reader with things like foot notes and quotations. The quotations seen below are the quotations that I borrowed, or strongly paraphrased, from Mark Twain’s original work.  

Paragraph 1: 

“It was a time of great and exalting excitement.” The opening line of The War Prayer

“Oratory which stirred the deepest deeps” Within 1^st paragraph of The War Prayer

“...they would straightway get a stern and angry warning that for their personal safety’s sake...” Paraphrased from the end of the 1^st paragraph of The War Prayer

Paragraph 8:

“I come from the Throne-- bearing a message from Almighty God!” From 6^th paragraph of The War Prayer

“For it is like unto many of the desires of men, in that it wishes for more than he who owns the desire is aware of-- except he pause and think.” Paraphrased from the 6^th paragraph of The War Prayer

Paragraph 9:

“I am commissioned by God to put words to the other half--” Paraphrased from 8^th paragraph of The War Prayer

“God has commanded me to put words to that part of the desire of your heart that you are unaware of. Listen!” Paraphrased from 8^th paragraph of The War Prayer

Paragraph 11:

“After a long pause the old, robed stranger continued, ‘You have desired it; if you still desire it, speak! The messenger of the Most High waits.’” Paraphrased from 10^th paragraph of The War Prayer

Paragraph 12: 

“It was believed afterward by Bob that the man was a lunatic, because there was no sense in what he said.” Paraphrased from 11^th paragraph of The War Prayer